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How to Be Happy: A Memoir of Love, Sex and Teenage Confusion
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From School Library Journal
Gr 9 Up—To know that one can help ease symptoms of clinical depression by eating healthy foods, exercising, getting enough sun and fresh air, and being more social is of very little use. Like most who have depression, Burton's adolescent self was unable to take the first steps toward these beneficial habits. He couldn't work out how to be comfortable just letting things come to him over time and through experience. Through the course of this memoir, Burton retraces the myriad identities he assumed over his teen years: nerdy Dave, crazy drama Dave, gay Dave, relationship-obsessed Dave, and full-blown dysfunctional depressed Dave. Life experience, as for most teens, brought awkwardness and heartache. Luckily, Burton was not one to hide from the world. His willingness to take chances awakened his interest in the theater, taught him the value of friendship, and gave him an appreciation for the difficult task his parents had raising him and his younger twin brothers, both of whom have Asperger's syndrome. True to the subtitle, Burton is frank but sensitive about how he came to understand sex and his sexuality. VERDICT Recommended for libraries where fans of Stephen Chbosky's The Perks of Being a Wallflower are looking for more stories about teenage angst.—Denise Kim, Bronx High School of Science, NY
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Review
'Burton's descriptions of his anxiety and depression are tangibly poignant, giving authentic voice to those struggling with similar issues. His tone morphs fluidly from compulsively funny to devastating from one moment to the next, and his uproarious wit shines throughout. A heartfelt, accessible book that strives to break down the stigmas surrounding mental illness with remarkable humor and honesty. (Memoir. 15-adult)—Kirkus
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Product details
Paperback: 268 pages
Publisher: Text Publishing Company (April 11, 2017)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1925240347
ISBN-13: 978-1925240344
Product Dimensions:
5 x 0.7 x 7.7 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
3.4 out of 5 stars
5 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#1,957,122 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This was highly entertaining in parts, and endearing for its personal and honest narration. The writer has a rollicking voice, and keeps the mood light, despite the (sometimes) heavy material. However, there was a lot of story crammed into a very small book. The writer seems determined to recount all details of his life up to the present. I wonder whether the content wouldn't have been better divided into two novellas. All in all, a sweet debut.
First of all... as with almost everything I read, I downloaded this as an ebook from the local library. (I also read a lot of Kindle Unlimited books)While I realize that I am not the author's target audience, I had hoped to like this book more and possibly learn some new techniques for being happy. I did find the story interesting... and I thought the author wrote well... and I enjoyed the humorous parts and felt for him during the stressful times. BUT... I wish he would have called the book 'Looking for Happiness' not 'How to be Happy' since I really didn't learn how to be happy.all in all, it was OK. Not wonderful, not awful. but not what I had hoped for.
The title is kind of misleading, but I still find myself absorbed with the book. Short but intense it is.The author had to deal with depression, family issues (parents with possible mental illnesses and siblings with Asperger) and also his sexuality.I find myself in the author's constant questions about his psychological problems and orientation: these are not things that are within our control and can change in a blink of an eye. I am glad he has found happiness.*I got a free copy in exchange for an honest review from NetGalley
'How to Be Happy: A Memoir of Love, Sex and Teenage Confusion’ is Australian author David Burton’s debut.I read this book ages ago and then didn’t know what to do about how much I loved it. Writing a review was hard, and the words I tried to put down didn’t adequately express how much I loved the book. And then I went to Brisbane Writers Festival, and attended an ‘in conversation’ between David and fellow memoirist, Robert Hoge that just blew me away for how candid and funny he was – that reiterated for me just how special ‘How to be Happy’ truly is … and still, I struggled. So just know that this review will probably end up expressing only a miniscule fraction of my admiration for David and this book of his, which won the 2014 Text Prize for Young Adult and Children’s Writing. Sorry – I tried, but this really is one of those books and authors that I’m just going to end up telling you to read and attend any of his appearances because there’s something special here that you’ve just got to discover for yourself. Anywho.The book opens thus;***I don’t know how to be happy.Yeah, sorry. Awkward.Okay, let me rephrase. I don’t know how to make you happy. But I have a pretty good idea what would help. Trouble is, my tops sound fairly lame. It’s like when you ask someone about the secret to losing weight and then answer ‘eat well and exercise’.True, but profoundly unhelpful.***And right there is how I got totally onboard with this brutally honest and funny memoir – because David’s “endgame†as a memoirist is really to just put the ugly truth down on paper. To put into a book all the things he went through – two brothers with Aspergers, bullied at school, worried about a self-harming friend, his own spirals into depression and anxiety not to mention all the teenager years of sexual confusion and hormonal whirlpools.At one point David remembers his dad giving him a copy of John Marsden’s ‘Secret Men’s Business’, a 1998 non-fiction book for teen boys that touched on everything from leadership responsibilities to masturbation (a revelation for young David Burton at the time – hilariously). But what he especially remembers about this book crossing his path was just his astonishment at somebody writing these things down and sharing them – being candid with teenagers about such topics (remember, Burton is a Millennial and his childhood was a pre-Internet one!). That’s what ‘How to be Happy’ does too – through the “character†of David he explores his own fumbles and foibles in such a charming and self-deprecating way that it’s quite disarming for a reader, but then the moment comes when you do realise that these things being discussed are still somewhat taboo in society (particularly honest discussions around mental health) and there is real bravery in David putting them on the page, sharing his story, stripping himself bare.One aspect in particular is his sexuality. A socially awkward teen who didn’t fit into society’s “machismo†stereotype of a sport-loving, rough-tumbling manly man, David discovered his voice through the self-expression of drama class … and then struggled with what it meant that he was drawn to inherently “feminine†pursuits and activities. He assumed he was gay (a common epithet shouted at him by school bullies too) – and this becomes a fascinating time for current self-reflection, as he does address the narrow gender definitions, which so confused his teenage self (and that still permeate in society today). But David’s lusting after several female classmates does eventually clue him into the fact that he is heterosexual, but now equipped with a unique and accepting view of sexuality and gender fluidity.The other big focus of the book, which is retold so tenderly, is David’s mental health, and that of his family – for his brothers’ unique Asperger view of the world, as well as his family’s history of depression. This is where David reminded me of the late, great YA author Ned Vizzini – who wrote with such biting honesty about depression in his characters (drawn on his own experiences). In ‘It's Kind of a Funny Story’ for instance, which began with the eerily accurate line “Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself.†David has similarly in-your-face honesty when writing about his depression and anxiety, that I found to be both moving and vital.I also loved the tender heart of the book, a celebration of the friendships formed and trials overcome – and also for the little things that actually become importantly intrinsic to who you grow up to be. That is, I loved David paying tribute to what he grew up loving – an acknowledgment of the stories, fandom’s and connections he made that have had lasting influence on him (particularly considering he’s had a career in theatre!).***Mary and I discovered Harry Potter together, which, in terms of major life events, is almost as important as YOUR ACTUAL BIRTH. Lunchtimes regularly involved rushing to the library to pore over the latest instalment in Harry’s adventures and attempting to make predictions about upcoming books. We would also discuss Star Wars, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Discworld and Doctor Who at length. We were nerd soulmates.There are few reasons I would ever wish to be a teenager again, but I could be persuaded if it meant rediscovering all of these stories again for the first time and finding my unabashed passion for them.***And finally – I can’t stress this enough – ‘How to be Happy’ is funny. Bitingly, embarrassingly, genuinely – FUNNY. This sort of humour surely only comes when we’re forced to reflect on our teenage selves and suddenly see the joke that was so hard to laugh at, at the time of adolescence. This book is gold, and if I could I’d make it mandatory reading in schools … or, maybe, not in schools but mandatory under-the-covers with a torchlight, late into the night reading for all those teenagers wondering why they feel this way, when will it get better and does anybody understand me? For those teenagers I’d like to gift them ‘How to be Happy’ – because David won’t claim to have all the answers, but he’s been through the trenches and written about it in all his embarrassing teenage glory.
I think that the first thing I should mention in this review is that, being the first memoir I've read, this book was quite different from what I'm used to. Since the events and characters were real, I can't say much about the way the plot unravels or the choices made by the people portrayed. I can, however, share my opinion on the way it was told to us, the readers.First of all, the register in this story is a very conversational one. You feel as though you're sitting across from the author while he's telling you his life story. At the beginning, I enjoyed this casual tone, but around the middle of the book, it felt very fake and for some reason very uncomfortable too. I'm sure this was not only because of the tone, but also because of the content, but I'll get to that in a minute.This book deals with very heavy subjects, among them hereditary depression, stigma surrounding psychological help, self harm, sexuality, and suicide. It sheds some light into the thoughts and feelings that go through a depressed and anxious person, in this case a man, which is an idea that society just seems to ignore. (Yes, men can be mentally ill too. It's not 'girly' or 'weak', it's literally a medical condition.) The main character also comment on how society's beauty standards and the toxic masculinity of porn are the cause of some of his problems, as is the lack of representation of himself in the world. Overall, I think this book gave a true testament to how it feels like to live with mental illness.Notwithstanding, the main character/the author, did a lot of things that weren't to my liking. As I've stated, I don't exactly feel like I have the right to comment on someone's personal choices, but taking in consideration that David decided to put his life on the page for the whole world to see, I guess I can make a few comments.The actions of teenage Dave, as wrong as they might seem, could potentially be forgiven or disregarded as teenage mistakes, depending on your level of tolerance for intolerance. These mistakes include: him bullying someone even when he was bullied himself, believing the stereotypes about gay men, such as loving musicals, dancing, cooking, wearing feather boas and having lisps and limp wrists, and considering having feelings as being 'effeminate'.Nevertheless, the actions of adult Dave, the one writing the book, aren't as easy to overlook. David somehow confesses previous racist thought or actions (which, good for him, we are all works in progress), but not homophobic and biphobic ones. Not only does he state that bisexuality is 'more perverted' than gayness, he also uses the f****t slur a few times, along with its deprecating meaning. Moreover, he seems to think that sexuality depends on moods and that he 'let down' the community for being with a woman. Along the story of Dave figuring out his sexuality, the word 'bisexuality' is used once (not good, see above) and never again mentioned as one might expect, if not from the thought of young Dave, from the author looking back at his life and his identity. All of this bothered me and prevented me from connecting to the character/author.As for my reading experience, it was not the best. I felt like the structure of the book needed some work, as the ideas and memories shown were from different timelines (and it didn't seem to be done deliberately, so the reader would be confused on purpose, thus my dislike of it). The story itself was able to hold my interest at the beginning, but unfortunately it didn't last for long.I could not relate to David in high school, battling his anxiety and depression, probably because that section of the story seemed to be more focused on his actions than on what he was feeling. Maybe I'm wrong, but it did feel that way to me, like an indistinguishable jumble of 'just stop for a minute, please.'The part when he was attending university was a little better. The ending, however, was very pleasant, the narrative felt genuine and grounded, even if at times it seemed like there had been a sudden recovery. I wouldn't have opposed to seeing a bit more of the fight to regain control of one's life.I believe it must have taken a lot of courage for the author to open up and let people 'pry' into his brain at his darkest hour and for that I think he deserved some recognition.
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